Every day you are going to have darkness.

Every day you get a new chance at life.

Every day is a new opportunity to find that light.

It’s there for those who seek it.

I know better than anyone that, sometimes, finding that light is hard. Painfully hard. But you must find the light.

Digging deep within yourself to find the energy to seek that light may be the hardest part of the process for you.

I know; I understand; I’ve been there, too.  Many days, I’ve just had to put on my big girl panties and get on with life while I continue to seek the light.

Depression is real. Sometimes it’s hard to overcome it alone.

I’ve been hospitalized twice for depression; most recently after my son died.  At that time, my world was so dark.  I could not stop the suicidal thoughts that seemed to promise a way to release the pain.  I called my grief counselor and then a friend who took me to the emergency room.

If you feel like that, please do not be afraid to ask for help.  If you or someone you care about needs help with depression or mental illness, seek help for them or with them.

If or when someone comes to you for help, listen to them; believe them; support them.  We need to stop judging each other for what is often perceived as weakness.  Life ain’t no contest;   we are all here just trying to get by.

Each of our minds is very fragile; and extreme stress or personal trauma can leave a lasting impact.  I’m convinced that we all suffer from mental illness at some point in our lives.

There have been many days when life circumstances and external stress were so out of my control that it was all I could do to literally just survive.

When I was in that place, I got myself into a very special routine – the first thing I would do (and I still do) every morning is to pray.  I’d find something – anything – positive in the darkness that I could give thanks for.

Some days my prayer was simple. I’d whisper, “God, I need you” over and over again in my head.

Other days, I sang the hymn “Father, I Adore You”. I sang it in my head; and sometimes, I sang it softly out loud to myself. All day.

Father, I adore you.
Lay my life before you.
How I love you.

 Jesus, I adore you.
Lay my life before you.
How I love you.

 Spirit, I adore you.
Lay my life before you.
How I love you.

Each day, I do my best to focus on God.  I talk to Him like I would talk to a friend. When I lost my mama in 2008, I lost my best friend. Since then, God has been my closest and strongest confidant.

When I was leaving my marriage (for the second time) in 2016, I was afraid. There were addiction issues and I was being emotionally and verbally abused.  I felt trapped.  I was weak from watching my son suffer for so long.  I was grieving his death.  It took a long time for me to find a way out of the marriage.  I prayed over and over to God and begged Him to get me and my son out safely. I promised that if He did, I would honor him with everything that I did for the rest of my life.  I meant it. I mean it.

The closer I am connected to Him, the more I start to see His will for my life. If I have a question about what I should do, I ask – “show me, Lord”. I make better decisions when I stay close to God.  I see the positive things instead of dwelling on the negative.  I see it in how my day unfolds and how the pieces of the puzzle come together.  My view of the world around me seems brighter when I am closer to Him.

Now, I don’t always receive an immediate answer when I ask for guidance.  There is no booming voice from Heaven; no Earth-shaking response.  But, if I wait and pay attention, the answers come.  The answers always come.

I’ll get the phone call that I have been waiting on, or maybe the call that I was not expecting; I’ll read something that brings all the questions to an answer; a song will play and the words will be exactly what I needed to hear; the sermon at church that week will be a message that speaks exactly to the events of my life.

I have to talk to Him; I have to wait on His timing. Waiting on Him and remaining faithful is a hard thing to do.  I know.  I’ve been there.

God has never left me.  He always shows me the light.  He won’t leave you either. Because He wants to be your friend, too.

But, you have to seek Him if you want to find Him.