I miss Mitchell. The 3rd anniversary of his death is coming in a couple of weeks and the weight of missing him is becoming heavy for me to carry. He died on April 13, 2014, which was Palm Sunday.

My grief for him shows up in so many forms like sadness, anxiety, depression and exhaustion. Being his caregiver trained me to be strong and keep my feelings to myself. I had to be calm for him so that when he was in pain or distress from the disease, he saw me as a strong, calm, loving mother who was there to make it all better. He believed I could make it better and I still struggle with the fact that I could not.

Today I am angry because Little Frank is left here without his brother and is forced to be an only child. He gets lonely. He constantly wants a playmate and that is stressful for me. I worry that he is overstaying his welcome when he goes to play with neighbors. My plan was never for him to be an only child. I wanted two children…maybe more. But God’s plan was different. I have to trust in His plan even though it hurts sometimes.

Love your children. Pray for a cure for cancer.